Rotaries

For my previous job I usually relied on public transit into Boston, but every once in awhile I would drive instead. By far my least favorite part was getting through the rotaries/round-abouts/circles of misery. Lanes don’t exist and there are no rules. I had my first real Masshole experience in a rotary and it may have traumatized me. After that I actually had multiple occasions of missing my exit and going around a couple times out of fear of annoying or hitting someone.

Those times and every other time, I had to really commit to getting out of that damn rotary. Because there’s no such thing as passively exiting. It’s a good analogy for life.

I know that I get into cycles of doubt and self-sabotage because of my anxiety. Something big is approaching and I start worrying about whether I can get things done. Am I capable? Will I fail? The more I doubt myself the less productive I become and the spiral begins. There is something comfortable about staying in these anxious cycles. It’s familiar and I know how they’ll end. I never meet my full potential because I get in my own way.

I can see all of this clearly now only because it happens less often. When I don’t get stuck it’s because I’ve accepted that I have to be uncomfortable to succeed. It takes a conscious effort and decisiveness. I can’t get out of my own head if if I’m wishy washy and hemming and hawing at every challenge.

Deep breath. Check for danger. And make the move! I get where I’m going much faster, and with a little more confidence each time.